depression it is a difficult word to explain. Sometimes explanation is not required for this word. Every one in this world have a time to go through this word. There are times that we will go through over depression and a moment that help us to over that depression.
I am always afraid that I will be alone in my old-age. I will not achieve my dream even I am in my old-age. I am always afraid that I can’t stand for me till my death came. And I will not gain anything from this life. My dreams will fade in the dark and I will be the one who lost everything in this life. I’m always afraid about it. That fear it makes me to lack myself. And I am not able to overcome that fear. And now also I am living inside that dark spell. I tried a lot to come out of this circle. But When I tried to reach the top and come out, my legs will slip and I will fall in that well again and again. I don’t know what is happening in me. I just want to move out and explore myself and I want to made myself for all my dreams come true. But…
I just want to hide myself from this huge crowd and want to like as a Nadodi.
Why it happened to me? Why all of a sudden it changed my way. Is it bz of me. Am I the one who chose this path. There was lot of pin edged rocks in thia path. By knowing this why Chose this path. I always want to run away but why I’m standing here now. Plannings are not working. And the path is untouchable
my crazy thoughts always increasing my madness. But I’m unable to resist this stupidness. Arinju kondu iruline muruke pidikuna pranth. Arum thodan madikuna ghosty momentsine thammilek cherthu annakan argahikuna pranth. This madness makes me to think what I’m thinking. Yea, I know this itself make others to understand how mad I’m. But I always built myself more mad through over thinking about my madness. Craziness lies in my heart.
Ee lokathine mukhammoodiku ullil ninnum kannan annu eniku enum ishdam.
Ee jeevithathine njn etratholam snehikunund ennath innum ente manasiloru chodhyachinam annu. Evide annu jeevitham thudagettath ennath innum ente manasile mattoru chodhyamannu. Pinthirinjodi njn maduthirikunu. Pakshe innum njn pinthiriyukayannu. Ethile sancharikanam ennu alochichit oru roopamilla. Kanduvalarna ochapadukalakkam ene puramthiriyan prerippikunath. “Self motivation” enna peril njn palapoyum swantham counselling naatharund. Palappoyum itharam kattikoodalukal enne munootu nayichittund. Innu njn etra moshamano athinu ente chindhagathi thaneyannu utharam parayendath. Innu njn etra nallathano athinu ente chuttum ente kaikorthu pidichavarodannu njn kadapadu parayendath. Jeevitham madhuravum uppum kalarnathanennu enne padippichath njn thaneyanu, ente ormakal thaneyannu. Bhoothakalam ormmikumpol athile oro nimishavum oro padagal annennu njn innu thirichariyunu. Maybe ee nimishavum athile onnakam. Ee nimoshavum avasanikunillayirikam. Ethukondu eniku present day agoshikan pattunilla. Ennum ente manasil murivuveezhthuna mattoru chodhyam annathu. Njn enthu kondu epoyum Pastilum Futurilum jeevikunu.
Oru naal njn yatrayakum
ee ilam kumila pole
Annu neeyen ormakalal
oru rosappo nirmikum
nin swapnathe thayuki urakum
aa ormakal ee lokam keeyadakum
njn etra tharalamayirunu ennu nee manasal yogikum
Over thinking is giving a negative touch to my hearts. But due to some reasons I am always unable to control my over thinking. Once I used to live inside my own builded world. That moment I never allowed anyone to touch my dreams. I never allowed anyone to feel sad for me. Cherished in my own world, I used to design new branches and leaves to it. Somethimes sweet flowers will born inside my world and the cute smell made to love my world. But within few moments my world will spread with blood and human shits. And it made me to hate my world. But even though I never tried to get out of my world. I know my world is my thoughts. And itz uncontrollable.