Ee irutta akashavum Ithinullil olichirikuna aa karutha meghavum eniku enum priyapettathanu. Avarile thoratha kannuner pankhuvekkan njn allathe avark aranu ullath. Enne punnarnu ashwasathinay avar pozhikuna oro kannuneer thullikalilum enthu cheyanam ennu ariyatha oru manasumay njn pathararud. Onnum parayan illathe njn enum avare ennilk anykarund.Ennekilum avarude irutta mukham thudakan enik akumenna vyadhayarna mohathode…
Sylvia Plath.. She inspired me a lot past 2 years.. I can feel something crazy in her words. The writing are suite for me. I feel like they are written for me. Craziest bitch… Why I love her? Undiscovered thought.. Its not only regarding the quotes she shared to the world. The poems written by her, Even though she committed suicide, Even though it is contains negative thoughts, I love the way she thinking. I can see my 99.99999999….. % in her lyrics. And there is one more person who was resembling me. Nandhitha. She was making me to feel myself a lot. It doesn’t mean that I am following anyone of these girls, or not like I am a fan of these brilliant writers. But something is there… That make me to feel them, that make me to feel my mind. I got a feel that I can see me, because of these writings.. because of their way of thinking.. I can feel me in that.. Something is leading me to say that I was on their way.. Something is there to inform me that I have to overcome that. yes… It will become easy once we understood our-self. I didn’t reached that level. I want to research about me more. This is not a negative thought. I know I am more valuable that any stupids in this world.I know I have a spark that is priceless. Once I was not aware who am I. That time I was travelling through the same path Sylvia and Nandhitha traveled. And I used to say unwanted sayings, Not me, Someone else that occurred my heart. That girl always worried her surroundings. She was always afraid anyone get hurt because of her. She didn’t like any one’s sadness. She thought everyone should be happy except her. She prayed to god always to give all burdens to her instead of someone else in this world. She thought if anyone utilized her though she will take care of all. Now I was able to control my thoughts. I know who I am.. and what I am capable of.. I know what are my weaknesses. So I can make over it.. they why should I give my life for anyone… Whenever I am seeing me I know I born for something special. if so then why should I give up my life. I know I am not matured, Past or present. I know that better.. I don’t want to act like a matured girl also.. But I want to know what I am and How can someone jealous on me .. researches will wave a path for me … Be confident and go on..
-Mar 23, 2017 10:47 AM
Mar 20, 2017 7:42 AM : I was watching her closely. Without any expression she was staring to the sun. I got surprised by seeing her eyes. It was shining. How can anyone look into the sun directly without a glimpse? Too strange view. I wondered what I will talk with her. Her eyes telling me that there is a mid communication going on between them. And I confused what I can do? The power in her eyes are saying something to her surroundings. I tried my best to make an understanding about her. But she was complex. I tried to have a official conversation with her. And finally what I understood are weird.
I know sometimes we loss twice, win once. But we will not happy with that. Again we will go for a subsequent race, and loss everything we had won. That is a mythical way. But even we knew, we always follow that way. As I understood, she was also moving through the same path. Her eyes was drawing a lot of paints in the seashore. That paintings have lot of things to say to this world. It contains the thoughts about horse race she was living for. She said that “When she want to write a poem with great lyrics. But whenever she was starting to write, its difficult to organize her thoughts. The thoughts are getting shattered and she fed up by making it in an order. Always she was getting confused whether she can make a beautiful poem. She was confused whether the lyrics she was written was copied from someone’s poem. Are they fake lyrics? Because she was unable to provide a good tone to her lyrics.”
I understood that girl have all type of freedom to enjoy her life. She can live her life the way she was dreaming. But even though she was unable to catch her dreams. As per her view she was always living inside a spell and dream only. I wondered!!! Why she is not ready to take a front step and gain her dream? I had a weird feelings that whether I understood her or not. I want to give my best to have a try on her and share my hands. But she is not ready to share her heart with me, her feelings or thoughts with me. Yea! Always feelings are personal. I am ready to wait for that one day, when I am going to hear every feelings of her. I will try my best for reaching that one day come true. That day I want to make her the happiest person ever in this world; in this Entire universe.
I am searching for my life.
But the path I am travelling is not paved.
The complexity is asking me to stop this.
But the question always reminds,
“What will I do if I stop my research on me?”
I remember that moment,
Just ran to you unknowingly.
Unconscious mind tempted,
the world changed in my eye,
when I hold your hands.
You reached me as a semblance.
That moment changed my life.
ellam nimishavum orthedukan pattumayirunekil ennu njn palapoyum alochikaeund. Eniku maravi rokam annenu kootukar kaliyakumpol njn palapoyum athu angeekarichu kodukarund. Chilapoyoke njn palarodum eniku maravirogam annenu swayame parayarum und. Pakshe njn oemakale oru mathiluketti athinullil olippikan sremikukayanenu eniku matrame ariyukayullu. Orotta pathayiloode neegunavaye vetti nurukki njn chitharikan annu epoyum sremikaru.Enthinu vendi njn ente ormaye verukunu ennathu innu eniku thane manasilakan pattatha oru chodhyamanu. Ithu ezhuthupoyum njn pediyode annu palathum maykan sremikunath. Enum njn ennilek ettu vangiya ella nashdagalum enne mattorunal kannuneeril ayithiyitte ulu. Ormakale sbehikan agrahakumpoyum pediyode avayil ninnu olichodan njn sremikarunud.Enthinay enna chodhyam epoyum bakki. Ente oramakaliluppinte nanju kooduthalani ennu alochichit manasilakunila. Swayame olichodan sremikuna oru bheeru annu njn. Njn enthinu vendi ingane akkunu ennathu eniku ariyilla. Njn ingane akkan alla agrahikunathum. Pakshe Ente self motivation thanthragal ellam pazhaki pokan thudagiyirikunu. Ella arthathilum thottu pokuna pole,. Munerannam ennu njn agrahikarund. Pakshe Chuvadu thettiya kalarikarate avasthayannu njn ennum anubhavikaru. Enthu kondu ente chuvadukal piyakunu enna chodhyavum bakki. Enne njn thirichariyuna oru divasam varum ennu njn innum vishwasikunu. Annu njn akkum ee lokathile ettavum valya bhagyavathi. Annu dhyrapoorvam eniku ente ormakale neridan pattum. Annu njn jeevikunathu aa nimishathine snehikanum agoshikanum akkum ennu njn vishwasaiknunu. Oro nimishavum adukondum chittayodum ente ormathalil sookishikan annu eniku kazhiyum. Innum aa enne thedi annu njn jeevikunath. Orikal aval ente arikil vanu parayum njn aaranenu. Avale annu ee lokATHIL etavum snehikuka njn akum. Annu avalkum chuttam ulsavagalude aravam muzhagum,. Athinayi njn etra dhorram sancharikanam ennu njn ipoyum alochikukayannu. Avale thedi njn ethu vazhi sancharikanam. Avale eniku evide kandu muttan pattum, Evidayanu njn aa yatra thudagettathu? Chodhyaagal kodanu kodi annu. Uthaagalkayi njn innum kathirikukayanu. Utharagalkay ethu vazhi thudaganam ennu ariyathe…..
I’m spending my majority time for unproductive activities. Even I know that, I am unable to stop that habit. Above 80% of my time, I am utilizing for youtube dramas, snooping around on other’s gossip etc.
If I have the power to vanish someone from this world, I love to vanish myself. Bz I’m the one who hated me a lot.
Korean Comedy Romantic Dramas, those making me to feel comfortable. Even though continuous watching of YouTube is not good, I love this engagement now. This is making me to feel calm and lovable, and also I am not getting any time to worry about anyone. 🙂 I am not sure till when I am going to use this medicine to release my pressure. But now this is the best medicine I have.